Swim shorts - retro sartorial fun or object of ridicule?
By shopping.guardian.co.uk
Within weeks, hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of British males will discover the personal and aesthetic pros and cons of purchasing swim shorts, or having a pair bought for them. Many will be wearing trunks, swim tangas or boardshorts printed with such outrageous retro floral and tropical designs as to suggest they have been sealed in a cargo container for 33 years, having been deemed too cheesy for the Seventies.
Only on the sands in August will most men learn whether this has been a hoax - a conspiracy between their girlfriends and the fashion industry to get them parading palely in pink- and turquoise-flowered Haiti briefs or gingham-check fashion water shorts in order to chuckle or even cackle at them - or whether wearing, with a 'hot tropicality' and a confidence just shy of cockiness, some lime-green palm tree-print boardshorts, rainforest surf shorts or hibiscus and psychedelic anchor-design Bermuda wide legs (from Topman, H&M, M&S or some cheaper or groovier emporium) will prove to be entry tickets to raves and babes abroad.
Many dull beaches and suburban balcony barbecues will be made more colourful by men sporting 'Atoll-wear' (beachwear decorated with images of lagoons enclosed by coral reefs). This tsunami of retro and post-postmodern Tahiti-esque designs may even come to be regarded as British males' first great angst-suppressing yet rather cheery dress rehearsal for global warming.
But the fear - and delight - remains that it's merely a ruse at the expense of dudes wearing fast-drying crinkle-cloth bathing garments decorated with seashells, bananas and bamboo huts and looking like they've been retro-designed on to a very old colour Xerox found in a skip on the King's Road.